Something I learned, quite recently, is that on the path to self-improvement, you inevitably must look within yourself. Because at the end of the day, what you are improving isn’t your outer circumstances or the world around you, but actually yourself. And what’s inside you. Not physically, of course, but your mind, your attitudes, your beliefs and even your own reality and importantly the choices you make.
True self-improvement isn’t changing the person that you are, unless I suppose, you are quite a bad person. But even then, it’s the choices that you make and the reasons you make them that determine the kind of person you are.
The last few weeks I’ve just only begun this pursuit of looking inside and seeing me for me. It hasn’t been easy. There have been times when I’ve just wanted to give up. There have been times when I’ve thought I’m not worthy of anything. But to not go through the process is also to not grow. And really, in this life we are constantly growing. We are learning new things, new beliefs, new challenges. To stop growing is, in essence, to stop living.
I’ve always had a difficult time accepting myself. Accepting my faults, but also accepting my talents, skills and qualities. The anxiety inside me turns those things inside out and makes them not as special as they should be.
One thing meditation and self-reflection through mindfulness has taught me is to accept myself in the moment. To accept my good bits and to understand that the bits I don’t like about myself are the areas where I can grow, but that still make me, me. It’s a hard lesson to learn.
I like the path I am on now. I like that I’m able to finally see the whole me, not just the bad, and not just the good, but the big picture and where that big picture can take me in this lifetime. I can face the challenges ahead and I can make it through to the other side of any obstacle I face.
I suppose the most important thing I’ve found in the early journey inside myself is strength. The strength to recognize myself for who i am, the strength to accept all of those things and the strength to keep on growing, pushing forward to the person I truly want to be.
**This post was more of a catharsis for getting thoughts out of my head. It may not make sense to many readers, but I just had to say it all for me.